My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
