It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
