Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The air taste purple.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
