when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
