u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
