You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
