do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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