How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
