do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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