Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
