I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
