Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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