i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize