why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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