You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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