my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
home. puking in laundry basket.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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