something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
