Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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