as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
