i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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