In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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