evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize