he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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