He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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