Whod you bang
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize