very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
