after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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