Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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