Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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