I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
