If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
