At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize