i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
