I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
be right there i have to get my cape
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
