fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
