who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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