She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's always time for handjobs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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