I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish I only lived at night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
