awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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