Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
