i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
