i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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