at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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