sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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