i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize