Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My dick has a subreddit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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