why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
where are my eyebrows?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
