There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
