people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I die, sorry about rent.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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