i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
