My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
