Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
