I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
