I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize