I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
