Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
