O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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