a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize