So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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