worst night to have a conscience
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
