Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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