im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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