you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
