I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
